I wish I could roll back the complete tragic events which happened in Mumbai, but even if I am given the power to do that partially, I will change the guest list at the Taj and Oberoi.

Here is it. Please pardon my perversion.

1. Raj Thackray and others from his clan.
2. Arundhati Roy.
3. Amar Singh and Mulayam Singh.
4. The complete Left Front.
5. Mayawati.
6. Lalu Prasad and his brothers-in-law.
7. Shivraj Patil, Vilas Rao Deshmukh and RR Patil.
8. Teesta Setlvad, Farukh Sheikh, Shabana Azmi and Mahesh Bhatt.
9. Nominees invited.

Please do send yours as well.

Delhi Boy

Shahrukh Khan is in trouble. He calls himself a Delhi boy, which he duly is, but Bal Thackray insists now he is not because Mumbai has given him wealth and fame. Though at the same time, he also insists that Sonia Gandhi is still an Italian, a Videshi.

Shahrukh must be disoriented by now about his existence. Myself sailing on the same damn boat. Join the notorious club. Who knows, someone might club us all.

I repeat, Bal Thackray insists since it is Mumbai and Maharashtra which has given him wealth and fame so why does he harp about being a Delhi boy.

As if, as soon as he touched Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus, or shall I say Bhusawal, almost magically, someone started giving him all his wealth - to make him rich, and concurrently, someone else (or the same guy perhaps) started calling his name on AIR, to make him famous.

Applying the theory of mathematical induction (though I never came across a bigger fraudulent theory), every one making money or name in Maharashtra started doing in the same manner. Well, not every body, though. Some of them were beaten black and blue right on landing at the Kalyan & Kurla station. However, rest get it for free, by almost doing nothing.

It may also be that all the movie audience of Shahrukh Khan is from Mumbai and Maharashtra only. Rest of India and world are not counted. It is already known that he dances at the ceremonies of Netas to earn quick bucks. So this settles it.

Mahindra and Mahindra, Telco, Bajaj sell all their vehicles only in Mumbai and rest of Maharashtra. So those workers who come here and work should also pay their homage and respect for their bread and butter, and to their very existence, only to Maharashtra.

Had there been no Maharashtra, who would have created these vehicles and much worse, who would have bought them, isn't it ? Anyway it is not their work which is bringing them money. They are being paid only for the fact that they have entered Maharashtra.

It is God's will that they were born to move into Maharashtra in future. Was this not tobe, may be God would have cancelled the order. That's why, my dear Shahrukh, you ain't no Delhi boy. You were desitined to come here, and that's why you were concieved (or else it would have been someone else in your place). You are now Mee-Mumbai-Maharashtra boy.

Now let us all say in chorus - Jai Maharashtra!

The Percentile

Outside Maharashtra, not many would be knowing that education ministry of the state has come up with an idea of reserving more seats (yes, one more reservation) in the colleges and junior colleges for the students passing from Maharashtra Board.

The convoluted logic is that since ICSE and CBSE are follow percentile system, students form these board have an undue advantage over the Maharashtra board students during admissions. Mercifully, someone filed a court petition and there is a deadlock in Bombay High court.

Here are my two cents on this.

True, students get marks in abundance in ICSE and CBSE, and they do follow in percentile system. However, students from Maharashtra Board, even without percentile system, get no less marks.

In fact, I remember, when I was applying for Agarwal Correspondence Studies for JEE, they had this cut-off system for the applicants. The average for PCM (Physics, Chemistry, Math) for ICSE and CBSE was 85%, while that of Maharashtra Board and Kerala Board was 92%.

Now coming to the quality of curriculum and exams.

My sister completed her Intermediate (XI-XII) from Maharashtra Board. For e.g. in English Literature, she had the chapters like Sambhaji Maharaj and poems like Abu Ben Adham in her class XI. I had studied the same poem in my class V in 1986, while she did the same in her class XI in 2001.

Apart from that, in 1993-1994, when I was doing my Intermediate (XI-XII) from ICSE, we had novel Macbeth, A collected short story book having stories from authors like Graham Greene, Jerome K Jerome, Jack London, O Henry, Roald Dahl, Ruskin Bond and standalone poem book called Panorama.

Not only this, we had the novel Julius Caesar in IX & X, and Merchant of Venice in VIII apart from other books.

Comparison to this, Maharashtra Board had just one book for English Literature, and that too very elementary. So was true for all other subjects.


In fact, my sis didn't get an admission for B.Com in Lucknow University and Awadh Girls because they said that Maharashtra Board's SSC level commerce is too elementary.

She was an average student in CBSE student till class X, and she turned out a topper from her school with Maharashtra Board.

In terms of exam as well, one would never find any repeated question in ICSE or ISC exams. In fact, I remember, my both ICSE and ISC exams were quite a revelation in terms paper setting. They were very very tricky!

Also, in Maharshtra Board class X and class XII board exams, nothing of class IX and class XI would be asked. This was not there in ICSE and ISC.

Last but least, the board and schools made sure that there was absolutely no cheating !

In fact, most of my friends and colleagues from Maharashtra Board accept this fact. They say that it is their schools which lift the students otherwise the board has failed to move on with time.

Somebody should tell this to education ministry. Hope the courts will.

Nano-Baiter

Nano appears to be up for grabs and there seem to be many suitors. Chief Ministers have already started building castles and factory in the air. But at least, one can appreciate these suitors and their castles.

There are some like Shivraj Singh Chauhan of Madhya Pradesh who are busy doing Havan Pujan, while for others like Mayawati all Tatas & Birlas are rolled into one in now 1000 crore Ambedkar Park.

They don't have time or interest for even a customary press release for inviting Ratan Tata. They might not even be knowing, who knows. Not that Tata would have come.

The World Class Athelete

It was only five months back that Anju Bobby George had belittled PT Usha stating she and Milkha Singh were not world class atheletes.

The underlying suggestion was that since she had won a bronze medal in a world championship event, she automatically becomes one, though it hardly matters to her that she virtually did nothing before or after that.

Now the same self proclaimed "world class" athelete couldn't even make single valid jump in all her attempts at the Olympic.

What goes around comes around.

Oh My GO(L)D !

Yes, Bindra, you beauty, you did it! First ever individual gold by India !!!

Congratulations and Celebrations!

Next medal from whom ? Saina Nehwal ? Lets cheer!

23 Months

A Bad Hair Day



A Good Hair Day



A Bad Hair Day - Again

Funny Bone

If one sits down to ponder upon the funniest scenes ever written, we would have anthology of Golmaal, Chupke Chupke, Andaaz Apna Apna, Jaaney Bhi Do Yaaron apart from others where one would have laughed non-stop right from start till the end.

A few scenes would be more funny than the others. For instance in Golmaal there are three stand out ones - 1. The interview 2. Dina Pathak's dramatic escape from Mrs Srivastava to Mrs Sharma 3. The extended climax.

Chupke Chupke was no Golmaal, but it still was a very funny movie right from the concept, to casting. It began well, but just before the interval, it began to slag a little. However, if ever there were cameos used to perfection it was here. Amitabh Bachhan's Sukumar Sinha and Jaya Bhaduri's Vasudha brought a fresh life into the movie. The stand out scene ? I would say all the Corolla-Karela ones in second half, and Dharmendra-Omprakash Vishuddha Hindi Vartalaap in the first half.

It is hard to find a blemish in Andaaz Apnaa Apnaa - the best Santoshi flick along with Ghayal. I still remember myself laughing uncontrollably scene after scene, even if it was highly predictable, in the company of my friend Manish Mohan. I am not sure why wasn't the movie successful. Possibly it was the Pratibha curse. Those who have lived or are living in Lucknow would know.

There is a classy theatre called Pratibha, located at a premium location. However, it has some curse of sorts. It shows up only good movies, however some very decent movies have flopped over there! Probably the movie was ahead of its time.

Standout scene? Oh so many of them. In fact, all of them. Still, I would say - Aap Purush Nahin, Mahapurush Nain funda and the brilliant climax(Hey Amar, Is Mein To Goli Hi Nahin Hai, Salmaan-Shakti thumka fight), even as part of it was pinched from Victoria No 203.

Jaaney Bhi Do Yaaron is a satire. Not funny types to evoke laughter except perhaps the extraordinary expression of D'Mello corpse. Its an amazing landmark in Indian cinema. Kundan Shah is a rare talent unfortunately unable to cope up with changing time. Bad for us.

Talking about laugh riots, and how can we miss Govinda! My favourites are Deewana Mastana, and .. ahem .. Aankhein. Yes it was crude , cheesy and corny, but still the truth must be told. Against my wishes, I simply loved Aankhein. Especially, the rural Govinda - GauriShankar.

It was a laugh riot, and the favourite scene is undoubtedly when the girls bring Gaurishankar home instead of Bunnu. The part where he picks up the knife containing the apple was a killer. Also, Govinda's rendition of Chandramukhi was a never-before.

However, in my opinion, the funniest shot ever conceived, written, shot and acted is from Baby's Day Out when Baby Bink is burning the hell out of Joe Mantegna's reproductive system. Oh God, what expressions both from Baby and Joe. And the clincher came when Brian Haley 'extinguishes' it successfully with some nasty kicks, and proclaim proudly so.

But what about funny books or stories. We all laugh aloud when we see something funny, but only smile appreciatively when we read a similar one. Or is it that it is difficult to provoke as much as while reading ?

That day, while traveling to the office in the bus, imagine the shock of my neighbour when he saw me laughing uncontrollably while reading a story. In fact, I would have been rolling with laughter, had there been space to roll. It would only be fit to call it a 'fit' of laughter for I had to take a break from the reading in between because it was humanly impossible to read in that situation.

The short story is A Comedy In Capricorn by Morley Roberts.

I would reckon, undoubtedly, it is one of the most funniest stories ever written and even better than Road Dahl's Parson's Pleasure and O Henry's The Ransom Of Red Chief.

Unfortunately, you cannot find it at internet. There is a little known about the author, and more little about the story. However, you can find it at The Ruskin Bond Omnibus IV under the Laughter Omnibus. The book is double its worth with this story in it.

Money

Workers Earn It
Spendthrifts Burn It

Bankers Lend It
Women Spend It

Forgers Fake It
Taxes Take It

Dying Leave It
Heirs Receive It

Thrifty Save It
Misers Crave It

Robbers Seize It
Rich Increase It

Gamblers Lose It
I Could Use It

- Richard Armour

Himadri Tung Shring Se

Jaishshankar Prasad

Remember

A timeless piece by Christina Rossetti which I am sure you must have already read. No harm in doing that again.

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

"Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need - a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends, worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you, a cat, a dog, and a pipe or two, enough to eat and enough to wear, and a little more than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous thing."

Jerome K. Jerome in Three Men in a Boat.

'Three Men in a Boat' is one of the funniest books ever written. Any self respecting book lover must have already read it. If not, time to make amends.

21 Months

Ethnic


Casual

Gunda Raj

Raj Thackrey is worried about the Dada-Giri of the North Indians. I will give him a little peek at our DNA.

By default, any north-indian with scruples doesn't indulge in Dada-Giri. However, for the incorrigible guttersnipes like you (either by way of birth or upbringing), we have a special method called instant gratification, when law makers fail.

In the aforementioned method, perfectly common place family folks like me turn into instant messiah of justice. What then follows is a nice little session of unceremenious, but serious public flogging. I have seen many autowallas running amok here like you and your ilk have been for a past couple of months. They too get away with all this hooliganism.

Not so in north. During your previous visit to Delhi you were just heckled by the journalists. That was comparatively sissy on their part. With kind of reputation you have gathered, do not venture next time for it will be a revelation for you. You might call that Dada-Giri, later.

Even otherwise, do not leave Mumbai. You have a protective shelter here in terms of your goons and patronising fathers. However, in north, slightly more degree of law of land exists there. When that's missing, then there is instant gratification. Anyway, your are too coward to even pretend your agression there.

Just one last point. My extravagant use of phrase "north indian" may suggest a chauvnism of your kind, but its not so. I don't have any such pride for geographical location. I love my roots, but won't hate you just because you don't share same roots.

Nana Don't Preach

Bhookhein Bhajan Na Hoain Gopala
Eee Lo Apni Kanthi Mala ..

We know what does the above phrase mean : If the basic needs themselves are not fulfilled, then it is impossible to do something rosy or inspiring. However, when they do get fulfilled, we start musing upon the metaphysics of life, and turn preachy, even at the expense of others.

That day I was watching Ab Tak Chhappan. I must confess that I am not great fan of this movie. I might have sat down to watch this movie many a times, but it could never attract my attention long enough. I have never seen it completely.

We have this psychotic Nana of the yore. Nana, who is cock sure in front of his team, but humble pie before his venomneous bosses. It is this partial cock surety which doesn't allow me to believe in his character. In fact, I have more sympathy towards the character of Yashpal Sharma whom I feel behaved honestly.

But this is not about the cock surety of the Nana's character, but of the dialogue writer(Sandeep Srivastava) and the director(Shimit Amin) which bothers. There is a character called Vaishali(played by Hrishita Bhatt), who is the girl friend of Jatin Shukla (Nakul Vaid).

In a scene, Jatin Shukla tells her name to his boss Sadhu Agashe(Nana Patekar), to which latter chides the former for the supposed 'mispronunciation' - "Kya Tum North Indians").

Now we all know that in Sanskrit and Marathi, a definite stress is given to the vowels. So Vaishali is pronounced as Va-ayeee-shaalee, Gauri is like Ga-aoo-ree and Chaitanya becomes Cha-ayee-tanyaa.

When Nana Patekar says - "Kya Tum North Indians", he actually means Hindi but he doesn't know that Hindi is different. Hindi and Sanskrit may be scripturally and grammatically same but are phonetically different.

In Hindi, there is no such emphasis, and never was. Vowels are mellowed, and don't meet the consonants at a sharp angle. So Vaishali is precisely the Vaishali. Tomorrow, one might also start commenting that Bengalis should start saying Varun instead of Baurun, and Vyomkesh for Bomkesh.

My view is : Let Marathi be Marathi, Hindi be Hindi. Don't mess them with our superlative ideas because of misinformation or misconception. Its time that we see the world, and chuck away that Koop-Mandook(frog of the well) syndrome.

Idiot Box

Two years back it was Himesh Reshamiya who had caught some our imagination and subsequnetly, much of our irritation. At then, he was omnipresent, omnipotent and at times, appeared ominscient too.

Mercifully, he thought he had done enough on music and singing, at least for time being, gave himself a new life, and so to us, by moving on to the thrills of acting, and we lived to see another day - until now, that this.

I don't know if you too have observed that this time Katrina Kaif and Khali are the most visible and popular irritants of the television these days.

Former is all over the place. She is literally in every movie made and song featured. She either smiles or blushes or rolls her eyes for every type of expression and emotion. As soon as one changes the channel, it is she again or a song from Jab We Met. I don't mind the song at all.

Khali is getting either free or paid publicity these days. Primarily Star News & Aaj Tak, and Zee TV to a lesser extent, are running private home network of Khali and his family at prime time these days.

So why Khali won or lost, what became of Undertaker, where and how Khali met his wife, what role Ranjit Singh plays, and whether or not Khali's height is increasing - its all there daily.

As the tailpiece, let's talk about MTV. These days it is a rarity of sorts, and a private celebration in my household, when we actually see a song in this channel. They seems to have hit road and pit these days.

Happy Holi

All The World's A Stage

From Shakespeare's As You Like It:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.

At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.

And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school.

And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow.

Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth.

And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part.

The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound.

Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

National Shame

I knew that it was only a matter time before some joker would start blaming Cricket for the debacle of Hockey.

That Government's more emphasis on Cricket, that media's too much attention towards Cricket, that sponsor's more money for the Cricket, and that public craze for this game is killing other games, apart from Hockey, of course!

What they don't know is that BCCI, like IHF, is not government controlled body. It is a private organisation. Till less than a decade ago, it was almost as bad in functioning as IHF.

Don't put moral burden on the public, they are not going to watch a bunch of pathetic losers, who don't even know where their leg is! A sport itself has to lift itself. They have to win something to attract public eyeballs. Media and sponsors are not here for charity. They ain't doing any favour to Cricket. They are here to make money. If there are no eye balls, they simply don't care.

Anyway, money doesn't improve any game. Winning, or at least passion for winning does. If that was so, why is Pakistan not doing as badly in Hockey? If that was so, why did India do so good 50 years back, when there was no money? If that was so, United States of America would excel in every sport, while Africans would have always done badly in long distance running.

Cricket was doing more badly than Hockey till 1983. In the movie Golmaal, there was a live Hockey match - not Cricket, remember? Hip Hip Hurray had Football. Not many use to watch Cricket. Why ?

Before the emergence of Sunil Gavaskar, we mostly lost. Then came Kapil Dev and World Cup victory, followed by Champions Trophy. I myself watched it as a 8 year old kid. Meanwhile, India lost miserably at Los Angles Olympics, 1984 in Hockey.

Naturally, I picked up the bat, not Hockey and so did Sachin Tendulkar. Then Reliance World Cup came to India. Why did it come to India ? Because we won the two major championships in succession. There was press coverage everywhere of the tournament. My father got interested, and with double whammy of Ramayana, we bought out first telivision set - a B&W, portable, UPTRON.

Not even then the money came to Cricket. I remember Bishon Singh Bedi once ruefully mentioning during an interview that they were paid daily allowance for the Test matches. Once they won a match in 3 days, they were not given any allowance for remaining two days! Great incentive for winning matches! Money only came with the advent of cable telivision in mid 90s.

Goverment doesn't do a great about Golf but why are we doing so well there ? Why we excelled in Snooker, Billiards, Shooting. What help did it provide to Leander, Sania and Vishwnath Anand? Do we see the pattern?

Its not about the goverment, its about us. It is about parents. The earlier we introduce a child to a sport, the greatest is the chance to find a talent. Unless people themself don't be proactive about sporting activities, and begin to respect it, we won't find champions. And why will they do so? It will happen by seeing the teams doing well - getting fame, respect and money.

Luck will play a major role by throwing out genius like it did when we had Sachin Tendulkar, Sunil Gavaskar, Kapil Dev, Prakash Padukone, Vishwanath Anand, Leander Paes etc. We need another Dhanraj Pillai and Jugraj Singh in Hockey. People will see them and get inspired. And its not only the youngsters I am talking here. There parents need to be inspired first.

Me Back!

What's That?


Good Morning!


Hello Papa!


Mosquitoes Marks and Diwali


Dadi's Garden


Dadi's Sofa