Don('t)

I had vowed that I won't be drawing any comparisons between the old and new DON at any stage, simply because though imitation is best form of flattery, comparison would kill this imitation altogether, as the original masterpiece is way beyond the realms of comparison.

But then, I am not good at vowing. When I could take it no longer, I am forced to write my crib in public.

Though unlike Farhan's, my dad hasn't written it, but like him, the movie is very close to my heart. Cult Amitabh movie. Cult 70s classic. Cult 70 music. Had almost no blemish, except one - Pran rope(walking) trick with his kids - but only just. When I dwell further, I think Amitabh turned this good movie into a evergreen classic.

Then why the crib? - Plenty, eh.

Music is out, and it is such a junk I simply feel liking throwing the CD out of the window.

See, I am not the guy who regularly buys CDs. Its usually a very expensive merchandise vis-a-vis the value it offers. I often settle for an audio cassette. But then, I am not the guy who regularly buys the cassette either, unless, I am absolutely convinced about the quality of the product.

This time I jumped the gun, twice over. I bought the CD in the hope that since two songs are from the old one, and the title song is sounding good, as well, I assumed it to be a good bet. But as they say in management, to assume is akin to making ASS of (yo)U and ME, that's exactly what has happened.

But question is not just of money. I am hurt at this playful sacrilege.

I agree Shankar-Ehasaan-Loy(S-E-L) have been patently going nuts these days( KANK ^%*&^* grrr), but Farhan, where were you? Or have they done the whole thing while you were sleeping!

Javed Bhai To definitely So Re Le Hain!

I haven't heard a more mediocre Ganpati song in Hindi films before! Such an ordinary lyrics(and awful singing to back it up). What has happened to you? As with Big B these days, has mediocricity engulfed you as well? Hope it is not the fall from grace.

And was this Ganpati situation added as a cheap marketing gimmick encashing Ganpati Festival? If that was so, then the Lord is not with you too because at first the song is terrible, and then T-Series delayed the release!

Coming back to music. Yeh Mera Dil version is sung by Sunidhi Chauhan. The song looks like another stale DJ Aqeel remix. Sunidhi's voice is not even audible over the music! S-E-L fellows, you guys should have done some out of box thinking and made still-crooning Asha Bhosle do the second version again. Would have been much better!

Now would you say then why not bring Helen back? You bet, and I wish!

Kareena is a horrendous blunder, Farhan Bhai. She is as stiff as her midriff in the song. Expressions have not come out the way they should, and body language has grammatical errors. Agree, choreography is ordinary too. But her elder sister would have done a much better job with one leg, and worse choreography.

Khaike Paan has been meddled with, and needlessly. I am sore(but who cares). The prelude lyrics - "Bhang Ka Rang Jama Ho Chaka Chuck" have been chucked away with, and replaced with some new hiphop. Sorry, not worked.

To add to the misery further, Shahrukh too lends his voice in middle. Of course, he can't be singing because otherwise what was Udit Narayan doing! Clearly, Shahrukh was added to provide some colour to Udita Narayan's bland rendering.

I am sure, the original song lyricist - Lalji Pandey, urf, Anjaan (father of lyricist Sameer and a Banarasi himself ), Kishore Kumar and Kalyanji must have collectively shook with discomfort in their respective graves.

Then we have Don - The Theme, Don - Revisited, Main Hoon Don (Fncinternational Mix- whatever that means), adorning the album. Why all this, pray? They don't do much to assuage my hurt feelings, rather they irritate further.

All is not lost, however. As I said, title track - Mai Hoon Don is good. Shan does a good rendering. Lyrics again are a trifle shabby work, but overall the songs makes a nice listening. Then there is a new addition - "Aaj Ki Raat" which paces out well. Looks like some Jugalbandi going on between the lead and side heroine, intercepted in middle, for truce, by our DON.

Truly, Farhan is a chip off the old block, and I have no meek notions concerning the intrinsic value of said old block, the ordinary lyrics of this and KANK not withstanding. But I sincerely hope you have done a much better job in the movie.

See the storyline is predictable, and then there is a wooden Arjun Rampal impersonating the irrepressible Pran to negotiate. I am no Shahrukh fan either. Please don't make the going further tough for us.

I have heard there is a surprise element in the beginning and in the end of the film, but give us a bigger surprise. DON can't be made without Amitabh. Give him a meat in the movie, and surprise the audience. Common, I am sure you have done this. It must be a well disguised a secret.

Then, the new Don will be complete. If I were you, I would have done this.